Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
