Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
