I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
