I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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