nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
