Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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