i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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