we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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