my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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