you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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