It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
