in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Did I show you my penis last night?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
