K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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