First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
