I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize