shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize