How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
