I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
