3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
