Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
