You can't special order awesome
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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