jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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