U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
