Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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