My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
