I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
