This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
