Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
