I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
