Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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