So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
