Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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