Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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