just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
