Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
