Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize