someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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