I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
