just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
