I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
