Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You smell like stripper and shame
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
