Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
