I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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