I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
