The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
