i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
