Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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