do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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