So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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