i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You can't motorboat a personality
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
