I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
