Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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