So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
