So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
