i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
this beer tastes like vomit already
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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