I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
