I'm eating all of the evidence.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
