My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize