Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
