and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
