im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Someone came in the potted fern
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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