This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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