I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
