My hair reeks of homosexuality.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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