I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
